My Relaxed Hair Never Grew Past My Neck

By Jenell — October 29, 2012

My mother relaxed my hair when I was about 7 years old. Like all young ladies I longed for hair long enough to flow down my back, hair long enough to put into a ballerina bun and hair long enough that I would be the envy of all the other girls with shorter hair. Unfortunately, this wasn’t how it all ended up.

As a child my mother didn’t do much to my hair. And I had no idea what to do either. When I was about 15 years old, I started going to the hair salon to see a stylist bi-weekly. I figured that since we didn’t know what to do with my hair outside of a damaged ponytail, seeing someone who did know what to do was the right way to go.

My hair NEVER grew past the bottom of my neck. Not ever. I never felt my hair on my back. I never could put my hair in a bun. And I was never the hair envy of all the other girls. In fact I was the one who was envious of the other girls with longer hair. My hair was broken split and thin in many areas. It was a hot mess dot com.

In 2 and a half years, I’ve grown my hair to a length that I have never ever known. My hair is now down my back, can now go into a ballerina bun and I’ve been told here and there that I am a hair crush – that one always tickles me.

Growing my hair this long has been an accomplishment for me. I take pride in how long my hair is now, but it has taken a lot of time, patience, work and energy. Most of you already know how much work I put into my hair, my hair regimen is anything but simple. Weekly pre-poos, co-washes, detangling, deep conditionings and frequent moisturizing. I do hot oil treatments, I’ve done an avocado treatment once, and a protein treatment once too.

I enjoy taking care of my hair more then I ever have. I always wonder if I had put all this time time into my hair before would it have grown long? Part of me says no, the stylist couldn’t get my hair to grow so how could I? And then another part of me says yes, heck yes!

In the video below I discuss most of what I’ve discussed here and then I show a photo montage of my hair from a teenage to now.

Tell me about your relaxed hair, was it long, short, healthy, damaged?

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About Author

Jenell Stewart, formally known as BlakIzBeautyful is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Kinky Curly Coily Me. Jenell has a MS in special education and dedicates her time to educating and uplifting women with kinky, curly, coily hair. She big chopped on March 26, 2010 and currently lives in Brooklyn, NY.

View all Jenell posts.

Dmaclee

My relaxed hair was very thick and long, past shoulder length, but I started to lose some of that thickness over the years, especially when my stylist started using “super perms” on my hair. I stopped perming when I found out I was pregnant with a baby girl. I didn’t want her to think that a chemical was the only way to make her hair beautiful. I sometimes miss the ease of my straight hair, but love how thick my hair is now. A year and half after my big chop, I am very happy with my kinky, coily, curly mane.
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Awww your daughter is blessed to have you as a mom.’
http://www.facebook.com/shantel.s.robinson Shantel Sharné

My relaxed perm was brittle and never grew past my lower neck. As I got older, my hair was thinning (especially my edges; which were already thin due to heat damage when I was a little girl). Relaxers did not do any justice for me. I love how thick my hair is now and how it is growing. And I thank you so much for your solutions (castor oil challenge, prepooing, deep conditioning, etc).
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Thick hair is the business!!! And you are so very welcome.
http://twitter.com/bannan74 Nicole Elaine Tubbs

My relaxed hair was thick and just past my shoulders, but it was dry, brittle and took forever to style. I eventually grew fustrated, but not before my hairstylist pointed out that i did not “need” a relaxer, as my natural hair was very curly. I had not seen my natural hair since I was 6 years old, so in the fall of 2000 I went from a Halle Berry style to a TWA. I have never looked back. When my hair is stretched it is bra strap length, it’s curly and ranges from 3C to 4B hair and it’s healthy! I love my hair now, and it’s a great feeling that I’m someone’s hair crush! I want to see how long it can grow, and I want it to stay healthy. I finally feel my hair is as it should be, and I love my hair!
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Amen!
Jo Somebody

My hair was relatively long, thick and healthy (except the ends which were often a lighter brown, brittle and sometimes even see-through!), but it was my scalp that was messed up. Most importantly though, it wasn’t the fluffy, soft-looking kinky hair I had always admired. It was mostly the desire to and the revelation that I actually could have hair like that that led me to quit the relaxers.
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  thanks so much for sharing.
Kiss_Traycee

Your hair is so pretty
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Thanks love.
Kellye

Do you think you will ever have the urge to straighten your hair??
http://www.facebook.com/dbizune Destani Bizune

like you i got a perm at 7 (just for me anybody??) and my hair was still very thick and was about arm pit length. however when i got to high school my mom stopped doing our hair for us and left to my own devices my hair started to break off. it stayed around my shoulders for the next few years until i saw how long my cousin’s hair grew once she went natural. she had never had hair past her ears but a few years without a perm it had grown well past her shoulders!! being natural also forced me to learn how to take care of and style my own hair. before i was so dependent on stylists and i only wore my hair in like 3 styles lol. now my hair changes every week, i fancy myself a mini hair expert, and it’s grown more in a 1.5 yrs than it did in the previous 8 yrs of my life!! i have no doubt that i could’ve had healthier relaxed hair, but having healthy natural hair is just so much better for me!
http://www.facebook.com/susan.hamilton.395454 Susan Hamilton

I was very lucky to have a caring and knowledgable hair stylist. My relaxed hair was brastrap length. I guess I was one of the ones who was envied because of my long hair. But, I was a tomboy and didn’t really care. I began my transition after my last relaxer in May 2011. I cut my hair up to my neck in August 2011 and chopped the remaining relaxer in February 2012. It’s been a great journey and I’m grateful to my hairdresser for all of her help. I’m enjoying my curly coily hair immensely!!!!
Opal

I love following your posts and progress because we have a very similar curl pattern. I’ve learned alot and keep posting! Your hair looks gorgeous!
http://www.facebook.com/shanii.scott Shanii Islovingme Scott

I received my first relaxed at the age of 11 and it was down hill from there. My hair only reached my shoulders from the first year of the relaxed but then started breaking off inch by inch. So in April 2011 I stopped relaxing and started transitioning. In July of the same year I bc’d…it has been a year and I still dont know what to do.
Yoli Tanaé

I was ten when I relaxed my own hair. I had the kinkiest hair in the family, but we all had long hair. I was tired of the four plaits because my mom didn’t know what to do, so I took the reigns. I became pretty talented and knowledgeable of hair care and kept bra strap length. By three years ago, after a frightening doctor’s visit, the tumors had me afraid of relaxers, so I threw them all out June1, and haven’t looked back. My hair stopped growing as I had to reprogram my techniques and ideas on hair to natural. Now, I’m a hair crush because of the way my hair feels, looks, smells, and the speed of growth. I can’t wait until I get to be the envy on my length as well!
Shantay

My hair absolutely loved perm (sad to say). My long thick natural hair turned into long relaxed hair (rib cage length). I guess I’m lucky to not have experienced any noticeable issues when I relaxed. I’m now transitioning because I want versatility in my hair texture and would like to avoid harmful products as much as possible. Thanks for the tips and advice because my natural hair is so different from relaxed hair even down to the products I use. I’m also glad to be able to do my own hair at home as I have always been tender headed and never looked forward to spending hours in the salon. Thanks again, I love your posts!!
onyinyechi uwakwemdike

my relaxed hair was short. this past weekend a friend of mine who is also natural pointed out to me that all the time she has known me (9 years plus), my hair has never reached the length it is at now and I am just 20 months natural. My hair kept breaking off and didn’t have much body while i was relaxed even though in my mind i was taking good care of my hair. Well since my hair is thriving and I am doing a good job managing and styling it “so long creamy crack” lol
http://www.facebook.com/MsBee203 Bianca Horner

When I had relaxed hair the longest it got was just touching my shoulder. prior to relaxing my hair was nice and thick then I started noticing how thin my hair actually was because I kept relaxing it. So I finally decided to cut my hair in March 2012. I love the thickness of it now I can finally wear a pineapple on the top of my head… cant wait to get it in a bun! i’m excited about my natural hair journey. I do miss straight hair sometimes but hey when I do I just put a weave in it..
sandy

You were asking about an afro wig. Here is one by Modu http://www.houseofbeautyworld.com/meafwigbymo.html#scProductReviews
http://www.facebook.com/christalnjenkins Christal HighlyFavored Jenkins

My relaxed hair was nice. I always got compliments such as… “you have good hair…” (not really thinking about what that meant to people). *I know now that good hair is healthy hair and it comes in all shades and textures.* I initially went back to natural in 2004 (last perm 3/2004). I loc’d the begining of February 2011. Since I freed myself from relaxers, I’ve gotten even more compliments! I dont’t have thick hair, but it suits me. I’m motivated to bc and grow my natural hair out again due to KCCM and other sites. Before I loc’d, I wasn’t privy to the plethora of natural hair care sites and suggestions that I am now (through facebook). I don’t know yet, but this I DO know… I’m done with relaxers and I love the kinky, curly, coily ME!
http://www.facebook.com/temajadon Tema J Eberhardt

i cant remember how my relaxed hair was bt it wasnt long! As a child my hair was thick & long enough. my hair ddnt get long until i got pregnant in 2007. OMG it was so full & longer than its ever been! then i cut it off into a chic bob like a fool & it never grew back like that. then last year (april,may 2011) it grew long again bc i was wearing sew ins back to back i guess. i was excited. then i started coiling my hair & putting bobby pins in to hold it over night & my hair fell out tre..men..dous..lyyyy!! lord have mercy why wasnt i using hair pins?? idk! bt now that i have done plenty of research and know what to do to get my hair back long & most importantly healthy I AM SUPER EXCITED. Thanks to you Jenell, other bloggers, youtubers, & Naturalistas around the world for guidance, motivation, & support. I am ready for this long, natural, healthy hair journey. I love you guys!
http://www.facebook.com/Celei Celeste ItsbyGod’sGrace A-Pier

My relaxed hair was medium length. I started perming my 10 yrs ago & before that I wore my hair pressed or I went to the salon to get it blown out. It was thick, long & beautiful I think my longest length before my perms was bra strap length. I’m sorry I ever permed my hair but it wasn’t a hard decision to stop perming my hair. The hardest part was when I did my bc 7/11 I never had my hair that short. My experience is if you’re not use to short natural bc hair just hold on. The first year after your bc is the hardest. After the first year & your hair grows out it gets easier and there’s tons of styles you can do.
FireMama_x3

my permed hair was healthy & THICK. it grew down my back…the longest was between my shoulder blades. BUT as much as i loved my hair, i loved to cut it often so it never got any longer than that. oddly enough, now that i’m natural i can’t wait for my hair to grow out.
before the perm, my hair was thick & med-length, but my mother kept it pressed. she wasn’t a fan of doin hair & felt my hair was un-manageable (it went thru a change when i was young which led to her pressing it). she put vigorol (sp?) in my hair when i was around 9 and it broke off terribly. after it got healthy again, her stylist (who had been doin my hair for a year) gave me a perm when i was 11. my stylist IS AMAZING…and has been since i was kid. altho, i haven’t been to her since she cut my permed hair off back in april. she taught my mother & i how to care for our hair…she can do permed or natural and really knows hair & textures.
anyway, i’m glad i went natural. my hubby has been trying to get me to go natural for years. but ultimately i decided it would be easier to encourage my daughters to go chemical free if i was myself. so after wrapping my mind around the amount of work i was getting myself into and the fact that my hair probably wouldn’t grow as fast, i took the plunge!
mochachick

Received a texturizer or what I guess was called back then a light relaxer when I turned 13 – sort of a rite of passage. I had bra-strap length, thick kinky-curly hair (think Rudy from the Cosby Show). My hair actually was healthy and long until I received a full perm, about 10 or 15 yrs later and breakage began. While my hair never was considered short, I went from bra-strap length to just touching shoulder length, without seemingly ever getting any growth. I went natural about 2.5 yrs ago. Didn’t big chop, just cut 1 inch off every month or so until I was completely natural. My natural hair now touches the top of my brastrap and is super healthy and looks fab I must say. I only straighten twice per year when I trim. I love, love, love my natural hair!
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Thanks for sharing.
RobinP

I never had any problem with growing hair no matter what I did to it. Mind you, I was permed head since 6 years old and colored once (one of the few times that I tried to go chemical free). My friend/hair stylist, did a great job in arming me with information on how to care for my mixed textured tresses, resulting in healthy hair that was not over processed and abused. When I was pregnant with my first baby, my hair was the longest that it had ever been before, bra strap (hormones were working overtime). Fast forward to 2006, I started locking. I am now 4.5 years into my second set of locks and my hair is almost back to bra strap length. But, because of the weight of my locks (mixed up hair gene pool) I started to get head and neck aches. Boo! Now I am in the process of patiently taking down each lock and the result … waist length hair! After contemplating on what I would be faced with after I complete this time consuming task, I have decided to cut each lock a little below chin length and I still have loose hair, mid chest length. #longhairgirlforlife
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Thanks for sharing!!
KnottyGirl

First off, you are by far one of my favorite natural hair Youtubers! So, when you released this video I was ELATED! I wish more naturals would talk about this subject as many naturals you see on YT with gorgeous long natural hair also had just as gorgeous long permed hair! I NEVER had thick long permed hair. In the last year, since being natural, my hair has thickened tremendously. However, I was curious as to whether I could grow my hair longer than my hair had ever been while permed, and your video has confirmed that longer hair IS achievable despite whatever length my permed hair was! So, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my <3 for you REALNESS! XOXO

P.S,

You and your hair are beautiful!!!
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Awwwwwww!
  
  Thanks so much. Our hair grows!
Danielle

My relaxed hair was actually long (down the middle of my back), VERY thick, and healthy. But as i’m transitioning ( 8 months.. YAY!! lol), i could truly say that i love how my hair is turning out. I would NEVER go back to the relaxer! Thank you so much for all the information you supply on your website. I would be totally lost if it wasn’t for you. I am truly thankful!
CeeCee

What products do u think has given your hair the best results. I did my bc last year and unfortunately i havent had much growth About 5-6 inches (guessing)
cahill

My relaxed hair was always just below shoulder length. It would go through phases where sometimes it was thick, then sometimes it would break off. The last series of breakage is when I got frustrated, and did what I now know is “The Big Chop”. I have always preferred thickness over length, so short hair is no problem for me.
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Thanks for sharing.
Andrea White

My relaxed hair was horrible. My mom started relaxing it when I started kindergarten. It was always short. It seemed like the back was always broken off and although I could get tiny ponytails in the front the back was a different story. My mom would put my hair in a little rubber band and cover it with a scrunchy. Needless to say I was teased unmercifully in school. It still makes me upset to this day when I think about the things that the kids would say to me. One joke was that i got in a fight with a lawnmower and it won. It’s funny and mean at the same time. I have been natural for two years now and I have never worn my hair out. It’s always in braids or hiding under a wig. But it is now at a length that i feel comfortable wearing out and I’m get excited thinking about wearing it out. Sorry for the long post:)
- http://kinkycurlycoilyme.com/ Jenell : BlakIzBeautyful
  
  Thanks for sharing.
Martha

Firstly, I’d like to say you look more beautiful with your natural hair.
Secondly, my relaxed hair story. I stopped relaxing my hair last year April. My hair used to be brittle and also never grew past my lower neck. My problem was, I would use deep conditioning products only to find the next day that the hair is dry. Adding oil to the problem didn’t work. I basically grew frustrated with the lack of moisture. And I could never figure out the reason I started relaxing my hair.
hyjenks

My relaxed hair was brittle and thin. Now that I have gone natural it is starting to fill in nicely. I only use coconut oil (which i use on my whole body) and hawaiian silky miracle worker.
Vanessa Alves

I’m so freaked out about going natural because I’m scared my hair won’t look as good as the girls on all the blogs I visit including yours. I’m the dark black girl who’s hairline just doesn’t look right if my hair is not relaxed (when I get new growth) and that’s what makes me freak out the most. I feel like most of the girls I see are mixed, that’s why they have a better hair texture and the curls actually look amazingly beautiful and the hairline is silky soft. I would really like it if my hair was like that too but I’m just so discouraged and Ive read a lot about how black girls can’t grow long hair and all of that depends on your bloodline.
http://twitter.com/_butterbetter Tiffany Spriggs

This was EXACTLY my issue. My hair would just never grow past the around the same length as yours, and it was so frustrating. I would braid my hair up during the winter too, and it would grow, but then I would just put a relaxer in my head again, and before I knew it my hair had broken off yet again. Then I started putting my hair in transitioning styles to stretch my relaxer as long as possible by doing roller sets. This helped to grow my hair, and I thought I was doing well until once again, my hair broke off because I kept going back to the relaxer. Below (pix 1 me on the right) is my last perm before I tried going natural, my hair grew very well before(pix 2) this but then broke off and broke my heart. That was 3 years ago, and now my hair is longer than it has ever been (pix 3)and I can’t wait to see how long it will grow. My goal is to have it reach the top of my butt straighten, and I am just shy of bra strap length now, so I am guessing about 2 more years and I should be there.
Bebe Jayeola

My hair has NEVER EVER grown past my neck and now it is growing. It is back to what it was when I cut it…Well a LITTLE longer. I am not really worrying myself about length just healthy hair,mind,body and scalp. At the beginning of my journey I was tired of being natural because I was so in love with growth but now I just love my hair and though people keep telling to flat iron it I really don’t care for straight hair.I have had it blown out for a couple days now and I HATE it!!! Going to wash and cleanse it and twist it up. Also I know that when my hair gets to the bottom of my lip I will be happy and will probably keep it a that length because longer hair seems boring to me. I just want to be able to put it in a good bun. Being natural is so much fun to me and dynamic. Love it so much. I am happy I went natural. Only problem is to lean more styles for my mid length hair.